being Mom

Growing up, I loved kids, babies, and was a little mother. When I was 9 and my sister was born, I made that my baby. I wanted to hold her and take care of her. I loved baby-sitting, holding baby cousins, and I just really enjoyed watching kids. I knew that I wanted kids of my own some day and as a teenager, was worried that I may never get married, or never be able to have children.

Fortunately, God chose me to be the mother of two amazing children. And I’m amazed each day at the blessings they are to me. They teach me so much and they give me SO much grace. If I lose my cool, they are forgiving. If I’m sad, they come to love and comfort me. They love me unconditionally and as cliché as it sounds, they have brought SO much joy into my life and are the lights of my life.

Ava. What can I say about this one? She’s the one who made me a mama. And from that first day (and actually even in the womb when she wouldn’t show her face during her 4D ultrasound), she has shown us that she does things her own way and that she knows what she wants and how she wants it and when she wants it. She looks just like her daddy and acts just like her mama. Zach always says he wishes she’d looked like me and acted like him. ha! He is a lot more mellow than either Ava or me and he jokes that we are paying for my childhood. And while she is so strong willed and so stubborn, I know that this will be what makes her a strong, independent woman. She also has the sweetest little caring heart. When I tell her we need to pray for someone, she never forgets – and she prays for them continually and asks me if we still need to pray for them. This week she was praying and she said “Thank you, Jesus, for all you gave us and thank you for all the God things you do that we can't.” I’m just so grateful for this fiery, intelligent little girl that I’m so very proud to call my daughter.

And my little Reeders. This boy. He melts my heart like nothing else. He has the most beautiful blue eyes and the sweetest little voice that pretty much makes me crumble. His little life started out so, so scary and I was devastated that his birth and days following were filled with visits to the NICU, seeing him hooked up to machines, and questioning if he would be okay. He is my little buddy and this age he is? I LOVE IT! As much as he pushes and tests, it is amazing to witness him learning new things and achieving new things. I’m in constant awe at how capable he is at such a young age. I adore this boy and I look forward to days of watching him play sports and growing up into the cutest little boy.

And as much as I love these two, motherhood is hard. It’s hard when they both want mommy and mommy just wants three seconds to herself. It’s hard when there is something wrong that makes them so upset and I can’t fix it. It’s hard when I see them learn a hard lesson and I know they are sorry but still need punishment anyway. It’s hard when they look to me for the right answer and I just don’t know it or know how to explain it to them. I fail them. I fail them A LOT. As hard as I try, I’m not perfect for them. And you know what? They love me anyway. They forgive me. And they don’t hold grudges (at least not yet). They think I’m the best mom EVER! It’s funny – they love me a lot like Jesus does. I fail Him, too. And yet He is always there, ready to accept me and forgive me. I don’t know much, but I know that I couldn’t do this job without the help of Jesus. I pray for my kids and about my kids constantly. And the peace I have from Jesus makes me a calmer mom. I hope that I always give my children the same grace that my Heavenly Father gives me.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you awesome moms! Your kids are LUCKY to have YOU!

(And for those still waiting, I pray your Mother’s Day celebration comes soon.)