July Photo Favorites

In an attempt to get this blog mostly caught up to date, here are my favorite photos from July! Be warned – this is a long post!  

We had a fun fourth of July at home. We cooked out and did fireworks in the backyard and watched some, also. Ava LOVES the 4th so much!

I think Reed was telling me Grant was crying!!! Like I couldn’t tell! ;)  

And Mr. Grant slept through the ENTIRE evening, fireworks and all!

Grant at six weeks old!

One night when we had Grant doing tummy time, he fell asleep. I walked in the other room and came back to find Reed had covered him with a burp cloth!!!! haha!

Grant and I often enjoyed an afternoon snooze together! :)

There is always a lot of help at bathtime!!  

We spent many nights playing games as a family!

Can you believe this pouty face?!! 

Funny story – the first few weeks after Grant was born, I spent a lot of days at home, not going anywhere and stayed in my pjs. One week we had stuff to do and I got up and got ready, and one of the kids asked me why I was dressed like that?! HA!? They had forgotten what my real clothes looked like apparently!

MELT. ME.

Grant loves his sleep. LOVES it. I’ve never had a baby that sleeps quite like him. He takes LONG naps. And most of the time he goes to sleep very easily. One afternoon I wrapped him up and was going to rock him. I laid him on my bed to change the laundry. I wasn’t even gone two minutes and came back to find him fast asleep.

Grant smiled for real for the first time on July 10!!! I waited and waited and waited for this day!

One afternoon Grant woke up and was fussing so i unwrapped him. I left him in his bed to finish putting away laundry in the boys’ room and when I walked over to get him, he was back asleep. 

Can someone tell me why Ava looks sooooooooo grown up?!

When we had our annual termite inspection, Reed grabbed his flashlight and followed the guy around. The man was so sweet to explain to Reed what he was doing and showed him so many things.

Ava spent a few days at my parents’ house with my cousin who is her age. They had a blast! This was the day she left.

While she was gone, Reed got to have a special day! We went to ToysRUs to use a gift card he’d had since Christmas and then we had lunch. He had a great time! 

I love this sweet sleeping baby, especially when he lays like this!  

Reed got to have a play date with his best friend, Maggie! They had the best time and had another one the next week! Zach’s sister got Grant this adorable outfit. Can you even handle the cuteness because I can’t!  

My grandma had been saving this little outfit for my uncle for when he had children. He passed away earlier this year and asked if this would fit Grant. He looked so sweet in this little outfit and it meant so much to everyone to see him in it because they remembered my uncle wearing it as a baby!  

Love me some baby yawns!

I found a recipe to make homemade ice cream in the mixer without and ice cream maker so we gave it a shot! The kids love helping me cook! Since we made the ice cream at bedtime, we decided to live a little the next morning and have ice cream for breakfast! 

The one thing good that came out of Leslie’s passing is that we had the chance to see a lot of family we don’t get to see often.

Ava loves to hold Grant. The morning we were leaving for Leslie’s funeral in her hometown, Grant was fussing and wanting to be held and I needed to be packing. I asked Ava to hold him, and she usually jumps at the chance and she put him to sleep. These two are going to be big buds I have a feeling!

Whew! If you stuck around to the end, kudos to you! :)

June Photo Favorites

These are just some random photos from the month of June. It has been a laid back, low key summer and it has been absolutely perfect.

I think I spent the first two or three weeks of my leave not doing much more than this.

Ava is never very far from Grant, still to this day. She loves that baby boy. She’s come a long way from the tears she cried when she found out he was a boy!

Ava took a tennis camp one week during the summer. She enjoyed it!

The day Grant turned three weeks old, we had to be in Little Rock (about 3 hours away) at 8:45 for an appointment at Arkansas Children’s Hospital. He has something that has to be fixed surgically and this was our initial appointment. His surgery will be November 19. Let me tell you, getting all five of us up and out the door in time for this appointment was quite the challenge!

This boy LOVES his sleep!

One afternoon Ava came running into where I was doing some work and told me to come look and that all of our boys were asleep! :)

He is sooooooooo sweet!

One evening we met some of Reed’s friends for a play date at Chick-fil-a. He likes the girls! :)

Love this sleeping boy!

Ava can be a huge help with Grant sometimes! If he is fussing and I have something I need to do, she will hold him and often she gets him to go to sleep!

It’s funny how a kid can always say they aren’t tired but then the second they stop they crash! Reed fell asleep by my dad one evening after protesting that he just couldn’t sleep!

This was on Father’s Day. I’m a lucky lady!

I love peeking on Grant when he sleeps because he is just so precious. One day I unswaddled him to start waking him up to eat and he just laid there so perfectly still and peaceful.

Life is hard when you are the baby!

Grant’s Birth Day

This is long over due, but I wanted to write down Grant’s birth story so I’d always remember  the little details.

The week before I had him, I went to my weekly appointment where I had an ultrasound. We checked on his progress and size and then I had my appointment. My blood pressure was elevated and the doctor was concerned. He told me I either needed to go to the hospital for 24 hour monitoring or that I could go home on bed rest for 24 hours and do the at home urinalysis to check for preeclampsia. I opted for the at home version. Everything came back from that so after two days off I got to go back to work.

The next week I went to my appointment on May 19. My blood pressure was up again and this time my doctor decided it was time to get Grant out. He told me he was going to schedule me for an induction. He came back in the room and said we were doing it the next day! I was a little caught off guard. I thought maybe we’d go on Friday or something, but didn’t plan on doing it that day. I was dilated to a 4 and 80% thinned and he went ahead and stripped my membranes.

I had a birthday lunch scheduled with my friend Iva, and we went ahead and went that day and during lunch I was timing contractions. ha! They came and went throughout the day. I got home that evening and Zach wasn’t home because it was the night of his school’s graduation. My mom happened to be in town that evening to go to a doctor appointment with my grandma the next day, thank the Lord. She picked up the kids from school that afternoon and had them here when I got home. At this point, I was having fairly consistent painful contractions and kind of thought I wouldn’t make it through the night. Mom started cleaning my kitchen and before I knew it, she had cleaned my whole house. Ava seemed a little upset so we took them to get some ice cream before coming home and tucking them in. Around 10:00, I went to bed and my contractions finally subsided enough to fall asleep. I woke up about 1:30 and never went back to sleep before we had to leave for the hospital. We had to check in at 5:00 a.m. and there was a very heavy thunderstorm that morning while we drove to the hospital. This was me right before we left

We got all checked into the hospital and about 6:00, they came in to start my pitocin and check me. I was at a 5 but the baby was still up pretty high. My doctor came in about 7:25 and said he was going into a c-section. Because of where I was and my past labor histories, he said he wasn’t going to break my water until after the c-section because he was worried I wouldn’t make it until he was done. They also went ahead and stopped my pitocin. He said I could have my epidural at any time, but because I wasn’t hurting at that point, I didn’t get it right then. I was frustrated that my pitocin was turned off because I thought that would make the day last even longer.

My doctor came back in around 8:30. I was still at a 5 and he went ahead and broke my water. After about the third contraction, I was in intense pain and asked for my epidural. Around 9:00 they came in and told me the anesthesiologist had gone into an emergency c-section (with my doctor, no less) and it would be a while. They asked if I’d like some IV drugs until he could get there. My contractions were coming about 2 minutes apart and they weren’t going completely away so I wasn’t getting any break between them. I asked for that medicine and they finally got it to me around 9:30 – and I was still at a 5.

The IV meds did absolutely nothing except make me sleepy. They didn’t touch the pain. I think somewhere around 10:00 they told me the epidural was coming. I think it was about 10:15 when he got in my room and we got started on that. My epidural with Reed didn’t work the first time so i was nervous about whether or not this one would work. As soon as I sat up on the edge of the bed, I started feeling pressure with the contractions. I thought maybe it was just because I was sitting up. I got the epidural in and they laid me back down and I felt the pressure again with the contractions. I told the nurse I was having pressure. She was fairly new and I guess she thought I meant I was still feeling pain. She told me to wait about three more contractions and see if that helped. The epidural was working. Between contractions I felt like I could’ve taken a nap thanks to those IV meds! After about three, I told the nurse I was still feeling pressure. She said something that I don’t remember now and I said “no, I’m not feeling pain, I’m feeling pressure like I have to push.” She was like “OH!” She grabbed the other nurse and checked me and it was time. This was around 10:15 or so. Fortunately, my doctor was still hanging around as he’d just finished the surgery and had been coming to check on me.

He came in and I started pushing. After the first push, they said he was face up. This worried me greatly because I’d heard horror stories about those situations. Somehow, truly by the grace of God, I managed to push him out in four pushes and he was born at 10:56 a.m. He weighed 8lbs 7 oz and was 20 3/4 inches long. The nurse told me later she couldn’t believe I’d done that because sometimes when a baby is face up it can take hours to push and turn them to deliver them. Wow! I had prayed right before I started pushing that all would go smoothly. He truly answered that prayer.

After he was born, my mom and sister and Zach’s mom and dad were there to meet him! Later after school was out, the kids got to come meet him, too!

We spent two days in the hospital and got to go home on Friday, May 22. He had some jaundice so we had to keep a close eye on that and I’ll share more about that in another post. We were just so glad to bring our boy home!

He is now almost 11 weeks old and time is FLYING by! I have done a one month and two month post on him and I have back dated those. Here are the links:

One Month Post

Two Months Post

Coping

One way that I cope with life, no matter what is going on, is through music. We are a very musically inclined family. Zach was a band director up until this year and I played the flute for many years up through college. I’ve had several songs that have carried me through this week. Thank you to the many sweet friends who have shared songs that have helped them in hard times!

This one has been on repeat since the day Leslie died after my friend Sarah shared it with me.

This has long been one of my favorite songs, especially when things are hard. But a few months ago, it home on a whole new level. I feel like this song is about Leslie, talking about a heart that’s frail and worn, how it takes work to keep on breathing. Jesus has truly given her rest.

My friend Rachel asked me if I had heard this song, and I had not. But oh my stars, is it every appropriate in this case? And, oh does this hurt!

Even when the fight seems lost, I'll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise You
Even when it makes no sense to sing, louder then I'll sing Your praise

A blog friend sent me this one yesterday morning and it made me weep, in a very comforted way.

Do you have any other songs to share with me that would be comforting at this time?

 

And one last thing… my amazing friend, Ashley, owner of SheShe Made, has gone above and beyond and has created a darling dress inspired by Leslie.

She will be selling these dresses starting Wednesday on Instagram (follow @sheshemade). She is donating ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of her profits to the college/wedding fund for Caroline and Ainsley. Ashley has made many outfits and gifts for my children and others, and the quality of her work is phenomenal! I can’t wait to see Ava, Caroline, and Ainsley in this dress inspired by Leslie, who would have absolutely loved having a piece of clothing designed in her honor! So come shop Wednesday and get a beautiful dress for the little girl in your life and help support my sweet nieces!

Addressing some things

I’ve had a lot of questions directed to me over the last few days that I want to answer, as well as some things I’ve seen/read that I want to address.

Because we all love a good bullet list, here it goes:

• Stephen may post something on Leslie’s blog at some point, but I have no idea if he has any plans to have a blog of his own. He has a lot to work through and that is most likely not one of the pressing items on his mind. He also does not have an Instagram account at this time and most likely won’t be accepting friend requests on Facebook from people he does not know.

• As I can, I will periodically post updates on Caroline and Ainsley. We live about an hour away from them but plan to see all of them as often as we can. We loved those little girls before all of this started and we love them even more now and plan to be very present in their lives.

• I realize that most of you are so shocked because you thought Leslie was getting better. While she was released from the hospital in May, the reality is that she was NOT better. She was stable enough. The reason you didn’t know this was that Leslie was VERY private about her health issues. Those of us privy to the details respected that and will continue to do so. She wasn’t attention seeking and did not like discussing her health.

• I’m sure there are all kinds of rumors floating around out there. I’ve read some things in different places that have made me cringe. I just ask that before you write something, imagine how you would feel if you were reading those words about your own loved one. I would hope that Stephen never comes across some of the things I’ve seen said about Leslie. None of it is mean or hateful, but it’s speculation and judgments about her and her health and that doesn’t help or change anything.

• THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. The outpouring of love that has been showered on our families has been nothing short of incredible. Leslie was so loved and that has been evident in the show of support we’ve been given. I would give anything to not need this support but God is still God and He is still good.

• The hardest part is just beginning for Stephen. He will need more prayers in the days, months, and years to come. Please continue sending those prayers up for him and his daughters.

• If there is something unsettled in your life, a relationship, a problem, whatever – take the time to get it right. We are not promised tomorrow. Also, I’m not sure how people handle grief without knowing Jesus. Even in the midst of this trial, He is right here. I’ve said many times that He was merciful in Leslie’s passing and I do believe that. Her dad said at her funeral that the Lord finally said “enough is enough” in terms of her suffering. Jesus is there for all of us, we just have to let Him in. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Deep Sorrow

It’s 4:00 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Most of you know by now that my dear sister-in-law, Leslie, popular writer at A Blonde Ambition, passed away Monday morning. She was born with a congenital heart condition and after the birth of her second daughter, complications arose and it wasn’t meant for her to be healed on this earth.

We are deeply grieving the loss of Leslie and are heartbroken for my sweet brother and their precious daughters. While we cannot understand why she had to leave us so soon, we are so incredibly thankful that her suffering is over. She was so very sick and was in such great pain in her final days. She rarely complained and when she did, she always apologized for doing so. She was the epitome of grace up until the very end. We will miss her desperately.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us during this time. We’ve seen so many people be the hands and feet of Jesus and while I wish we didn’t have to be the recipients of such generosity, we have all truly been touched by the immense prayers and support. It was clear how greatly Leslie was loved and I am sorry for the pain any of you are feeling from her passing as well. Thank you for loving us during this time.

One thing her passing has done has inspired me to make the time for my blog again. Along with Leslie’s illness, our family has endured several other major life happenings since the beginning of 2015 and it has been a HARD year. This was the second death in our family in less than six months. That member of our family was also only in their 30s which is much too young. With all of these things as well as being pregnant and having a newborn, I haven’t had the energy or drive to blog. But Leslie’s death has reminded me in a harsh way that we are not promised tomorrow, and I want these memories of our life recorded. We had the chance to spend the day with Leslie, Stephen and the girls just two days before we lost her. She and I spent some sweet sister time catching up while Zach and Stephen took the older kids swimming. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that would be the last time I saw her alive and got to talk to her and hug her neck. My heart is beyond happy that we had that time together. God knew what He was doing when He made it possible for our visit to work out.

So, I am making it my mission to revive this dusty old blog space in honor of our dear Leslie. I’m going to share what I shared on instagram yesterday morning as my tribute to Leslie.

Sweet sister. My heart is aching right now. I am about to go see you for the last time and I'm not sure my heart can handle it. I was talking to Stephen last night, and while choking back tears, he said "she looks good. She looks good." I will carry that memory with me forever because Stephen loved that you loved to get all dolled up and it's only fitting that he make sure your physical body looked good for your last hurrah.

I cannot believe you are gone. Standing in your house yesterday just felt so odd and wrong. I just kept looking around and I could see you there. I cannot tell you how much I am going to miss you. I am sad that I will never again see your name pop up on a text message. I am sad that I will never get to sit around and talk to you about things that we think are dumb. I am sad there are no more shopping trips ahead for us. I am sad we are never going to get to take the sister trip we talked about. I am sad that there are so many times ahead where I know I will miss you so much hurts. I'm just unbelievably sad.

You had truly become another sister to me. The last few months it was so hard to watch you be so sick and in so much pain. I can't imagine the joy you are experiencing today with a healthy heart in the glory of eternal life. Your suffering has ended while ours is just beginning.

You were such a wonderful aunt to my children. I cannot tell you how happy my heart is that you got to meet Grant two days before you left this earth. I know it meant as much to you as well. Ava and Reed absolutely adored you and we will miss your presence in their lives so much. Thank you for all of the special things you have done for them over the years. I promise you that I will do the same for your girls. I will be there for them any time that they need me (and probably even when they don't). I will help Stephen with the things he may not think of, so that the girls don't miss out on anything. And I promise you that they will know how very much you loved them, and what an amazing person you are.

Thank you for being one of my best friends, my sister. You being gone will leave a huge void in my life. Until we meet again. I love you, sis.

#beblessedlovelies #rememberingleslie

 

A GoFundMe account has been set up for my darling nieces. The money will be used for their college funds and eventually their wedding funds. If you would like to do so, you can make a donation here:

https://www.gofundme.com/d53bgd5p8s/donate

Two Months Old

Grant, you are two months old and growing so fast!

• You weigh 12lbs 8 oz and are 24.5 inches long!!! You are a LONG baby and are in the 97th percentile for height and 56th percentile for weight. You are a whole 1.5 inches longer than both your brother and sister were at this age!
• You wear Size 1 diapers and your clothes are 3 months.
• You still have such an easy-going manner and are a very content and easy baby.
• You sleep from about 9:30 to anywhere from 5:00-6:30. YAY!
• You eat about three hours after you wake up and then every 4 hours after that.
• You like to nurse but are also a champ at the bottle which is good because Mommy goes back to work in 3 weeks.
• You no longer care for tummy time even though you are much stronger.
• You still love being held.
• You don't really care for our walks in the morning and you cry almost the whole time.
• You have found your voice and are making noises and cooing!
• Your hair has gotten really thick on the back of your head but is still thin on the top and looks like a balding man's hair!
• You kick and wiggle like crazy.
• You are also smiling a lot and momma loves those sweet grins!

I'm so thankful for you and love you so much, my precious boy!